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Father Goodwin
A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her to hear a confession: "Today I enjoyed the pleasures of the flesh. Father Goodwim came to me and told me that I had the gates to Heaven here between my legs. Then he said that he had the key to Heaven, and he put it in the gates." "BASTARD!" cried the Mother Superior. "For years he told me it was Gabriel's trumpet and I have been blowing it." 
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